.a pointless nostalgic.

2006-10-09T20:46:00.000+08:00

moved to THATDEEPSLUMBER.

update your links okie!

2006-10-08T12:15:00.000+08:00

did you read carefully what i wrote to you?? i really think youre overreacting.

i never did say you're angry or pinpointing fingers at you for being mad. im actually glad that you're matured enough to handle whats going on. i was just telling you whatever it is, dont ever have hatred. because i dont want you to turn like me and him. its a sucky feeling. seriously.

what?? you think i will im you on msn out of the blue and start ranting it out just like that just because of a stupid plan? seriously. from my side, even if she cant make it with me, i dont mind. its her choice. why are you saying as though im forcing her to be there??

why must it always turn out this way. i wasnt even feeling sorry for you okie. because i know well enough not to do that, and i know you're strong enough and you'll be okie.

if you think my intention was bad, so be it.
i just realise that im more like a stranger to you now, more than i know it. ):
whatever it is, just take good care of yourself.

2006-10-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

i know i dont say this often but this is the one boy whom i know my love will never fade. (:

yay!

2006-10-07T19:58:00.000+08:00

im smart!
im smart!
im really really smart!!

*does the izyan victory dance (to the bg sound of: "minom milo, anda jadi... sihat dan kuat!!")*

hahaha. sebenarnye... bg sound tak perlu kan??

i feel macam computer genius tau!! (:

somewhat* wasted.

2006-10-07T16:49:00.000+08:00

jb yesterday. it was a wasted trip la. i mean besides the cigarettes factor. hahaha. but it was such a funny trip okie.

bags for kerepeks.

hahahaha. funny sia. instead of going for the seafood dinner which we originally plan on doing, we came back to sg (took a car, paid 50 sg dollars, no less...) and dropped off at city hall where we made a mad dash (amazing race style... where my sis was stuck on an escalator which have alot of ppl.... and Li and me went running up an enpty escalator...) for seoul garden where we spent alot of money but didnt exactly eat our money worth. that is, if you dont count the number of prawns la.

hahaha...

ouh!!

then waited for mel. then kopitiam! hahaha. and korang. stop spotting me eh. bully sia.

2006-10-06T13:11:00.000+08:00

trying too hard??
its so damn obvious la.

when you say you wanna be something, only say it whenyou know you can handle it ok.
asal tak delete me off your msn skali? and in your contacts kat hp? kan senang.

impromptu* ecstasy.

2006-10-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

"Baby when I think about
The day that we first met
Wasn't looking for what I found
But I found you and I'm bound to
Find happiness in being around you..."

unevitable* closure

2006-10-05T12:43:00.000+08:00

"When one door closes another door opens;
but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door,
that we do not see the ones which open for us".
-Alexander Graham Bell

significant* love.

2006-10-03T00:11:00.000+08:00

today was the funniest ever...

we met so early and we totally have nothing in mind what to do. then in the bus, we planned to watch movie, in which we didnt really watch in the end because we decided to go window shopping... in search of wallets... foe me. and for him.

from far east all the way down to heeren, and then all the way to marina square... we finally found what we like... at a good bargain too!! (:

we then head back to orchard where we made our reservation at a place my sis somehow recommended. and then we went to play pool!! 2-1. he won. sheeesh.

had dinner, had dessert, had bubble tea, had oxygen, and off we go. bought fries for sis, and we called a cab cause we saw all the taxi stand was crowded. (:

went to sis's workplace where we both had our merepek moments. when kakak was closing the store, he tried hugging me. i tried to resist la (play play only...), then i kinda lost my balance, and he lost his balance, and both of us fell flat on the ground,in front of video ezy. hilarious i tell you. i couldnt stop laughing k. and somehow, i scratched his hand, quite bad ah. and i bruised my elbow. but it was still very funny.

the belo and the gile. (:

fast&* FURIOUS.

2006-10-02T13:21:00.000+08:00

in the words of Han in Tokyo drift...

"Life's simple. You make a choice, and you dont turn back."

well. what do you think of that.

leap of* principles.

2006-10-02T06:00:00.000+08:00

to be friends with you is just a huge feat aint it? especially since i guess i get the most special treatment as friends ever. you nearly made me cry again last night.

dont say im being sensitive, because it just hurts to be treated that way. like, very rude ok. i hope you know what it feels like to get a taste of your oown medicine. and and dont blame other events that happened around you for the way you treat me. because on other days, its the same. the only time its not that way is when youre the one who prompts the chat first.

i feel so sad. ):

on the other hand, li has been the most understanding. especially since im such a messed up (whats new.). even though both of us are very stubborn, very manja, and very everything, our characteristics are like ALMOST carbon copy, especially the merepek parts, but other than that, he's just very sensible. quite wise too (so unlike me.) i must say. (:

my heart* beats.

2006-10-01T13:40:00.000+08:00

kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
yang memanggil rinduku padamu...

this existence* wasted.

2006-09-28T13:41:00.001+08:00

hate me all you want.
but to be thrown away after being broken into pieces?
thanks. i feel so appreciated.
i finally see that what i said previously was true. my existence was just a waste. im someone you can just throw away right?

the same thing that blew us together
might blow us apart
so keep a piece of me precious
and close to your heart

just for a moment
all of my nightmares came true
just for a moment
my heart was broken in two...

i'll take my leave from your life now.
thanks for waking me up la.

[edit]
you think i dont realise how i was treating you? seriously?? i know for a fact i was unfaithful, though not physically, but mentally and emotionally. i spent every bloody waking moment thinking how i am supposed to make it up to you. and with every bloody breath i take, i felt my heart bleed more and more, because i know for a fact i was hurting you. why the hell do you think i tell you to hate me for all you want?

and fine! i wont assume anymore. back at you okie. just because i moved on, doesnt mean i dont bloody well love you for the past two years okie. and its not easy moving on. especially since you're the only one constantly on my mind for the past two years. habits, good or bad, dies hard.

ive never once regretted meeting you. ive never once regretted loving you. there was some actions i regretted ever taking, but believe me, you were worth every single emotions that i ever show. you were worth my every tears. my every smile. my every laughter. and my every anger.

im sorry i put you through all those for the past 6 months... im sure God has a reason why we were meant to go this way right?? and dont you worry. im sure karma will bite me back 10 times worse than what i did to you okie. even though whatever that was experienced through babi goreng was karma enough, im sure for what i did to you i deserve worse.

who knows. maybe Li is the one guy who will give me back the karma right??

take care faizal. these tears are probably not the last i'll ever cry because of you.

[/edit]

soul* blow me away.

2006-09-27T19:53:00.000+08:00

what is in this soul that is so special?
what is in this soul that keeps me seeking for more?

what is it? i wonder.

im not missing you.

2006-09-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

"Its a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever
find the right one for me
Did I leave him,
is he right in front of my face
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love
when it keeps on hurting me?

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

No I can't be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like
I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when it's right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice
for someone else's life..."

2006-09-21T13:27:00.000+08:00

i dont wish for history to repeat itself.
and i definitely wish that i will stop hurting you.
my existence seems to bother alot of ppl.

deep deep deep in one corner of my heart, yes, i do still love you.
but on the surface?

im sorry.
i cant do it anymore.

sweetest invigorating* affection

2006-09-20T11:55:00.000+08:00

18th september 2006 - 20th september 2006

my birthday chalet. hurhur. small, personal, private affair.

first nigth was spoilt by gastritis and vomitting. but it was nice la. because all the people who came, even the one at 1plus am, are the ppl i love. so yay! thanks for the cake lovelies. aku suke korang nak step surprise surprise, padahal, aku dah nampak cake tu dulu. hahaha...

second night. it was only down to harj, sis, mel and me. then harj went off. then isyah came. even though it was just four of us, i swear, it was damn fun la. somehow, it felt nicer than the first night. mel, isyah and me had such a lepak time. we were on a major roll right mel?? hahaha...

anywaes. withdrawal symptoms will set in very soon and i'll miss all of them all over again.

hope to see you guys soon. saturday maybe?? then haikel can join us.

talking about haikel... i miss him. one more day love!!

something good* cablecarlove.

2006-09-17T16:36:00.000+08:00

macdeesbreakfast.
4*cablecar.
carlsbergskytower.
luge&skyride.

thanks love for the wonderful wonderful start to a birthday.

beautiful* collision

2006-09-16T16:32:00.000+08:00

a very long overdue entry.
for 070906.

(:

possibilities* something good.

2006-09-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

I know romance is not in fashion
And my heart is on the line
If you would be so kind
To help me kill some time
Then something good just might come crashing
From the stars that light the sky
If you would be so kind
To help me kill some time

confession* kitchenettiques.

2006-09-15T10:22:00.000+08:00

it is so interesting to see the exchange of words and expressions in the kitchen every morning. like for example..

mum: im so excited to go to work today!
dad & me: *blank look*
mum: im always excited when im going to work early!!
dad: *gives mum a ridiculous look*
me: nonsense la you. so weird. *turns to dad* arent you excited? today is your first day back at work! (he was unemployed for 6 months due to retrenchment...)
dad: no. if can, i dont wanna go work ah!
mum: ive been wishing that im not working since so long ago!
me: *rolls eyes*

my parents very merepek(nonsensical) okie! seriously.

&!! my mum forgot that my birthday is this week. she only got reminded of it because i was asking her whether we're gonna go out for dinner. sheeesh.

and ahboy! sunday we go morning okie! i cant wait la!! (:

&& i slept at 9++/10 yesterday! so refreshing! but. this morning, i woke up to such a nice weather la can!! sheeesh.

k. this entry is full of exclamation marks. irritating sia.

&&& lovelies... i miss you babes. besok, please eh. aku taknak tongseng. if you guys go there, i dont think ill be present for my own bdae dinner la. so pleasse choose a place wisely. ps. aku tgh craving smt! hahaha... :P

forwardedEmail* THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

2006-09-14T13:58:00.000+08:00

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something.

There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your
virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with and the one that got away..

Who is the one that got away?
I guess it's that person with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part,
or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.

It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it?

When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter whom you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready.
You really are.
And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone.

He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest stars of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready.
It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it will make sense, it really will. So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived.

And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come.

Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder,
"What if they were here today?"
You'll wonder,
"What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?"
That's what the one that got away is.

The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us.

But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been",
but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who is already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person
will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late?

Simple....

Find him, find her.
Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder,
what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be the "one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away".

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it wont make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it will all just fall into place somehow and you know.

I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you! You're the one that almost got away!"

_______

"It is only with the heart one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."
- Little Prince

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed
in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and
we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the
choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

unnecessary* invitation

2006-09-14T10:07:00.000+08:00

[edit] and wahlao eh. this is one bloody long & unnecessary & redundant entry la! i just realised. hurhur. tak perlu baca kalau taknak. (tr: you dont have to read if you dont want to..) seriously.[/edit]

i talked to haikel last night!! my very-botak-but-still-look-good in green uniform best friend. and he was saying how he was stuck there and we're out partying. eh hello!! we all miss you okie!! i lovingly showed them your pic in uniform which was sent to me by faizal. just so you know that you were really being missed!!

anywae.

last night, when we reached, my eyebrow twitched and i had a feeling something was up. and somehow last night, there was quite a few disapponment ah.

the ppl i asked to come down couldnt make it. and then, there was the moment where everyone was either stonning, really high, or about to fall asleep. and no one wanted to dance. they played so many benassi's before 2... still... everyone was too wrapped up in their own world. and i really wanted to dance la. sad okie. i even lost my mood by the time everyone was okie about dancing.

and then, there was remie (who apparently want me to call him elfy now. crazy fella la. make ppl confuse only.), we actually talked alot la. a real major change from all the other time. and i kinda got him to tell me his problem, and i told him to stop it with the emoshit. hurhur. anyway, he was supposed to choose the song for us to dance. but somehow, HE got preoccupied by a pixiesizedminah who was throwing herself at him and grinding him like nobody's business (and as usual, he stand as straight as a pole giving this stupid expression). and and started frenching him. haiyah. dont ask why i am so affected by that, but i just am.

when all that was happening, (my other girls were everywhere. i dont even know their exact location except for ili who was somewhere on the dancefloor...), i made a new friend. (: so funny la. after that pixiesizedminah left, remie was somehow more hyper and yarh, i told him i dont like him anymore and i so am not gonna dance with him anymore and he should just forget about our dance and just dance to himself. my new friend is nice. maybe thats because i was friendly. when i had to leave, i told R to just dance with my new friend. male-bonding shit.

and this morning, remie smsed me and was being irritating. sheeesh. tepuk dahi baru tau!! anywae. i only had 30mins of rest.

i know.

k. my stomach has been growling (my refusal to eat breakfast simply for the fact that i was too tired to even chew my food and swallow!) and the phone has been ringing with ppl asking stupid question like whether there is carpark at the national library (!!!)... like what the hell kan.

k. im gonna go back to staring at the staff directory listings.

much love sweets!

sense of smell* overload

2006-09-13T09:45:00.000+08:00

i realise that there are some men perfume that somehow my nose choose to alienate and is very sensitive to. i can smell it from far. and if my nose even pick out a slight scent of it, i'll definitely start looking around and try to detect where the scent is coming from.

dont be mistaken. its nothing bad. i just love the smell la...

davidoff coolwater for men & rocco baro for men.

and you know what?? any guy, who uses either of these perfume, will definitely definitely have my attention! :P

imperfection* relativity.

2006-09-13T08:42:00.000+08:00

im at work! yet again.

and i swear my dad was being irritating because, the moment i stp into the kitchen, he asked, "so... where are you schooling again?" and just because i was wearing a white shirt and pants. then i was like... "hur. hur."

then my mum told him alot of school also got white uniform mah. then i say... "school eh? can laa. school teacher. :P"

then my dad and me started exchanging notes on how we normally iron smart shirts. what a conversation to have early in the morning. it wasnt even 0730 yet laaaaaaa!

okie.

so today, lunching alone. but tonight, i may be visiting my babylove at her workplace at raffles. (:

[EDIT] I WANT CARAMEL MACHIATO!! any kind soul willing to do delivery to my workplace? there's really a starbucks around the corner! seriously! hmmm... [/EDIT]

virgo120906* asdfghjkl;'

2006-09-12T09:11:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line
Get comfortable with having less control over where your life is going right now.

In Detail
What you expected to be a major turning point might actually become somewhat of a minor blip on your radar screen today. Apparently, your expectations were growing too big. Don't get too disappointed about it, though ... everything is happening the way it needs to happen. You should get comfortable with having less control over where your life is going right now. Open your heart and relinquish some control over your future -- for the moment, at least.

hmm... true? kind of la.

im at work now. kinda bored. just made myself coffee. now im restless, yet again. thats the reason for updating my blog over and over again. oklaa. maybe not this blog. but i put nonsense in friendster's blog. and livejournal... hurhur.

baaah.

let it be* biarlah rahsia

2006-09-11T12:46:00.000+08:00

Pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika
Berada di tempatku
Membayangkan pahit manis berlalu
Entah siapa yang tahu

Mungkin nanti Kau jua merasakan
Berdepan dengan kata menyesakkan
Takkan tugumu kebal
Tiada pertimbangan

Keheningan malam membangunkan
Kepayahan jiwa meluahkan
Andai kau jujur memahami
Tiadaku menjauhi

Dan kisahku yang masih panjang
Menambahkan berat yang memandang
Lantas ku pendam
Ku putuskan biarlah rahsia

Semakin aku hidup dalam cinta
Tiada kuasa mampu menghalangnya
Hentikan kata kata
Bertulangkan dusta

this song have never failed to send a shiver down my back. seriously. and everytime i hear it, my heart just feel heavy. hurhur. the power of emo songs.

insignificant expressions* wide eyed school girl

2006-09-11T11:14:00.000+08:00

yesterday trip to the expo book sale was sooo fun! i love books. i was like the wide eyed schoolgirl there. wanting every single book i lay my hand and eyes on. but too bad. buget contraints. but mama and me still spend like $40 total in the end.

and the trip to the halal food expo brought out more unnecessary spending. i gave mama 90 bucks. and i think inclusive of the books, we spent around 110?? i know!!

but i love going out with my mum still.

the only complaint i had yesterday was the fact that, singapore expo, being tht huge, they only have one pathetic atm machine. you dont know how agitated i was when i found out from the 711 person that atm machine is at hall 3 (the furthest end from the mrt stn).

knnccb.

we were previously from there (the great john little sale) and then we went to the halal food expo, which was conveniently located at hall 6 (the closest to mrt stn). fuck you know. with the very heavy rain and all. and and ppl were all walking so damn slow. i got so pissed, i walk outside in the rain.

on a happier note, i found someone to lunch with!! my sis!! yay!!

save me* from myself

2006-09-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

"It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through
When I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me..."

my incessant thoughts * a crack through my soul.

2006-09-10T02:58:00.000+08:00

i was going through some friendster profile, and suddenly, i felt a tinge of sadness creeping into my soul. and then i wonder, where is my life heading. like seriously.

The Bottom Line
It may be time to reconsider that opportunity you thought was off the table.

In Detail
It may be time to reconsider that opportunity you thought was off the table -- because today, all signs point to it being put back on the table again. This time, it's going to be a lot more attractive of an option for you. The right answer is not terribly clear, because either way seems equally positive. You have some people in your life who have opinions about what they would do if they were in your shoes, but are you sure you want to know?

seriously, i dont want to know anything. the boy and me had a long chat on msn just now. and i guess, i openned up part of the real me to him. whenever i decide to expose part of the real me out, i get so scared. because the real me always get trampled on. and somehow, i have no control on whether the boy stays or leave upon knowing the real me.

and truth to be told, these incessant thoughts is like a crack to my soul. hhrrrmmpphh.

"you said you'll love me, but you dont, when you found out who i am..." - mouth shut, the veronicas

carousel head.

2006-09-09T16:27:00.000+08:00

i feel like i need to type out something thats in my head. but i cant. cause the moment this page loads, i lost all concentration.

the chalet is booked. thank god. somehow, im quite happy with the date and the location, even though i know i could have gotten a nicer location with cheaper price, but whatever la.

im really hoping the girls can make it cause it will really mean that much to me. im now left with only a certain amount of money in my bank. its a sucky feeling ah. and all because i front the payment to the chalet first.

this year bday, i hope it'll be something memorable. and gosh. im turning 20 eh. i swear i tak suke ok.

aite. im meeting my carousel love today. to our favourite carpark, with our redbull, fags and crazy heads.

loves to all.

frustrated.

2006-09-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

HELL HATH NO FURY

LIKE A WOMAN

SCORNED.

ps. fuck it. its all my bloody fucking fault. thanks.
hell have no escape for the fury of women going through pms.

virgo 080906

2006-09-08T22:40:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line
The road ahead is full of mystery -- which is a lot more fun than a road you know.

In Detail
You're at the halfway point on a very special journey today, but you're in for a surprise. At a certain point, you may suddenly wonder whether or not you should turn around and head back the way you came or keep on going. After all, equal effort is required -- and equal reward is promised. There's no wrong decision to make, but keep in mind that the road ahead is full of mystery. And that's inherently a lot more fun than a road you know like the back of your hand.

me and you.

2006-09-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

you've been waiting so long, i'm here to answer your calls
i know that i shouldn't have had you waiting at all
i've been so busy, but i've been thinking about- what i wanna do with you
i know them other guys, they've been talking about the way i do what i do
they heard i was good, they wanna see if it's true
they know your the one i wanna give it to
i can see you want me too...

it's me and you now
i've been waiting
think i'm gonna make that move now
baby tell me if you like it

i was waitin for you to tell me you were ready
i know what to do if only you would let me
as long as your cool with it i'll treat you right
here is where you wanna be...
i know them other guys, they've been talking about the way i do what i do they heard i was good, they wanna see if it's true they know your the one i wanna give it to i can see you want me too...

visualisation.

2006-09-05T01:44:00.000+08:00

dont ask me why... but while going through gettyimages looking for some pics, i suddenly visualise my wedding shot that is gonna be framed, and hanging in my future apartment.

haha.

im crazy that way.
the fact that im always menally designing and visualising things. i wish i was more like that back in poly. it would have been helpful.

seriously.

paranoia.

2006-09-04T16:32:00.000+08:00

FRIENDS was such a coincedence.

ross was jealous that rachel is friendly with her colleagues and started acting stupid.

then they made up and rachel said that...
"if two people trust each other like we do, there's no need to be jealous."

and with that noted, i just wanna say again. if you want to be so effing paranoid about me and my behaviour, im gonna make EVERY SINGLE ONE of your paranoia a reality.

dont say im evil, cause im not.
i just had enough of life. thank you very much.

virgo lady

2006-09-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

She is similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with confident and proud. She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.

You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.

She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expect respect from her love one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.

She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who open the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman.

She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She can really keep secret, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you could see she is seriously picking soap which match and most suit her skin. Do not comments her on this very picky habits, it is her happiness in working full times as a self
beautifier.

She is not an innocent angel for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even though she easily despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she walks and talks confidently.

She only search for true love , not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angle again. If you have a date with her , you'd better be there on time.

Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry, make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making-it-up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny.

In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. During the early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.

Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as you can.

i know the english is abit fucked up ah. but haha. most of what is said is so true okie. (:

17 days.

2006-08-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

17 days too early? haha! i dont think so!!

my mum got me this for my bdae!!! woohoo! i was planning to buy this myself next week when i get my pay, but hoorah!!

ps. she was supposed to get me a tiffany's & co chain. but i guess, by buying me this, she sure save hundreds of dollars la!! (:

fucked up thoughts.

2006-08-31T03:02:00.000+08:00

i just had a thought. and somehow, it sounds realistic enough to me that its starting to feel true.

i realised that, im just a living carcass of izyan. inside. deep deep inside, im as dead as the night. eversince that certain past incident, ive been struggling to live. and i guess, with every single day that pass me by, im dying more and more inside. to a point where, i dont even know who the fuck i am.

i seriously feel like crying. have been wanting to since... all this mess that i created started. i think, ive only cried once during all this mess. it was the night i asked him for a timeout. after that, im just a living dead.

everytime i hear a certain song or watch whatever that is about to trigger tears, i tell myself to fuck it. to not cry. but it turns out, not crying is taking a toll onme. usually its an outlet to my sadness, anger, pain, whatever. but now, i dont have any outlet anymore.

i wish i can just run away from all this problem. from everybody. from my life. but tell me. how long can i possibly run away? sooner or later, i will have to face it, right?

i need a morale boost.

argh fuck it.

i need a miracle.
i probably need divine intervention.

unless, my lifespan ends soon enough. (:

hurhur.

dear god.

2006-08-31T02:34:00.000+08:00

please give me the strength to pick myself up from this rubble. i know karma will bite me back. even that, please give me all the strength that i need to keep myself going and to keep myself away from depression.

i know you helped me pick myself up in the past, this time round, i'll need much more stregth because ive hurt one of the people who have loved me for all he can.
please please give him the stregth to pick himself up from this rubble too.
he is a good person.

and god?

please open up both our hearts and let us see the truth at the end of the tunnel. if its meant for him to be with someone else, plese let us both see it. and it were meant to be that way, plese make it easier for both of us to let go of each other...

faizal,

its the hardest thing i'll ever have to do,
is to show no emotion, when you start to cry.

yours truly,
me.

ps. you know i loved you. and somehow, will always do.

my urban mix

2006-08-27T20:25:00.000+08:00

my current song obsession.
i have so many thoughts in my head that ive been wanting to update. but yet once again, my server and blogger is being a bitch, i cant even get to blogger page. bodoh right. i know!! anyway. new haircut!! (:

and pics from wednesday night. from devils to mos. this is us.

hid, heirul n fren, mel, my sis, haikel, me/
it was definitely a night i will always remember.
it was the night i was by myself. *grinz*

ps. dont ask me about that stupid face im making in practically all the pics. i dont understand it either. hurhur.

On My Own..

2006-08-24T23:01:00.000+08:00

i had a date with my lelamarina yesterday. (:
we drank redbull.
we took pictures.
we twirled.
we talked.
we danced.
we spin.
we fell.

i love lela.
i do.
we've made plans to hit MOS in our most unglamorous state. haha. (:

anyway... when i was with her, faizal smsed saying that hady is singing and i probably would have melted if i heard. but i didnt. i called him, and by the time he let me listen, hady finished singing aedy. anyhows.

i found this on youtube and i so swear that when i heard it, my heart plunges. and somehow, it sends goosebumps up my arms sia. and i so agree with ken laaa. best performance of the season. uh-huh. no doubt about it. i voted for hady. and im proud of it. *winks.

and last night made me realise what made me happy if im sad. dancing alone. its just a nice feeling. because for a lil while in there, i dont know where the hell everybody else went (except for haikel whom i suspected was hitting on girls)and i couldnt be bothered to find out where everydoby went. because im tired of it. everytime we go, i have to follow people here and there. so last night, i stood in one place and danced alone. its definitely a nice feeling. except when a fun song comes out and you wish you have a dance partner. haha. but main arena... that one, confirm chop dance alone. all of them decided to go out around 4 like that. since my batt was flat, i asked haikel to pass me his hp, and told them im going main arena alone. so yeah. fun la sia. theres some ppl there who are fun dancers. so yeah. -grinz.

then haikel came in and just sat there and watch. he was just being concerned. hahaha. dont worry k babe. i can take care of myself in there. ive seen bad things happen and i sure dont want it happening to me. (: but it does make me feel safer knowing that someone's watching over me somewhere. hahaha. step guardian angel eh. :P

i ahd fun la. for that short moment when i was dancing alone, i never once think about whats happening in my life. i like. (:

i know its 3pm in the afternoon, but goodnight my fellow readers. im gonna go get my welldeserved sleep. (:

sms.

2006-08-23T00:31:00.000+08:00

faizal sent a an sms which goes smt like...

"what is the one thing that you always wanted to tell me but never had the chance to... send this to everyone you know and see their reply... but first... reply to me first! im waiting"

and so i did. i replied him and send it to most ppl on my contacts. and oh my. what a respond i get. most of it was quite same old same old.

but some was funny. because some of my contacts are ppl i know at clubs, ppl i know at friendster... so like quite merepek ah their reply...

"i nearly fall for you..." {no comments okie.}

"can i have this dance?" {i told him he's kental cos the opportunities was there but he never did take it up...}

"im superman!!" {haha. right. and im catwoman la...}

[[ edit : "you're adorable." haikel just replied that!!!! hahaha. so sweet la you. thanks for the egoboost eh sweets? it is so the perfect start to a day tau. (: ]]

hahaha.... nonsense right??? but it made my day. nyeh!

and also the fact that i had dinner with my parents. (:

from a fellow lj-er.

2006-08-22T01:25:00.000+08:00

1. You can only say YES or NO.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you / comments and asks!

1. Taken a picture naked? NO.
2. Painted your room? YES.
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? YES.
4. Drove a car? NO.
5. Danced in front of your mirror? YES.
6. Have a crush? YES.
7. Been dumped? YES.
8. Stole money from friend? NO.
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? YES.
10. Been in a fist fight? NO.

11. Snuck out of your house? NO.
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? YES.
13. Been arrested? NO.
14. Made out with a stranger? NO.
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? YES.
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? YES.
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? NO.
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? YES.
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? YES.

20. Seen someone die? NO.
21. Been on a plane? YES.
22. Kissed a picture? YES.
23. Slept in until 3PM? NO.
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? YES.
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? YES.
26. Made a snow angel? NO.
27. Played dress up? YES.
28. Cheated while playing a game? YES.
29. Been lonely? YES.

30. Fallen asleep at work/school? YES.
31. Been to a club? YES.
32. Felt an earthquake? NO.
33. Touched a snake? NO.
34. Ran a red light? NO.
35. Been suspended from school? NO.
36. Had detention? YES.
37. Been in a car accident? NO.
38. Hated the way you look? YES.
39. Witnessed a crime? YES.

40. Pole danced? NO.
41. Been lost? YES.
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? YES.
43. Felt like dying? YES.
44. Cried yourself to sleep? YES.
46. Sang karaoke? YES.
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? YES.
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? NO.
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? NO.

50. Kissed in the rain? YES.
51. Sing in the shower? YES.
52. Made love in a park? NO.
53. Had a dream that you married someone? YES.
54. Glued your hand to something? YES.
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? NO.
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? NO.
57. Been a cheerleader? YES.
58. Sat on a roof top? NO.
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? NO.

60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? YES.
61. Played chicken? YES.
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? YES.
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? YES.
64. Broken a bone? NO.
65. Been easily amused? YES.
66. Laugh so hard you cry? YES.
67. Mooned/flashed someone? NO.
68. Cheated on a test? YES.
69. Forgotten someone's name? YES.

70. Slept naked? YES.
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? NO.
73. Blacked out from drinking? NO.
74. Played a prank on someone? YES.
75. Gone to a late night movie? YES.
76. Made love to anything not human? NO.
77. Failed a class? YES.
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? NO.
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? NO.

80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? YES.
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? NO.
82. Thrown strange objects? YES.
83. Felt like killing someone? YES.
84. Thought about running away? YES.
85. Ran away? NO.
86. Did drugs? NO.
87. Had detention and not attend it? YES.
89. Made a parent cry? YES.

90. Cried over someone? YES.
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? NO.
92. Dated someone more than once? YES.
93. Have a dog? NO.
94. Own an instrument? YES.
95. Been in a band? NO.
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? NO.
97. Broken a cd? YES.
98. Shot a gun? NO

if you were mine.

2006-08-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

"I wanna get closer to you,
Can't stand being far away...
Knowing that you dont feel the same way."

dont.

2006-08-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

physically, ive been having flu and migraines. its been too long. and my head hurts so bad.

emotionally and mentally? im gone. seriously. i need an outlet. but i cant find any. i want to run away, but i cant. i need to get away and give myself some time. but i cant seem to find the time. there's always places i need to be at or people i have to meet. its sad.

i need sleep. i need rest. i need to cry.
but none of it is happening.

i dont understand. please let me in. dont keep me hanging please. if you're losing it, then tell me. i'll go away. just dont disappear like what you always do. ):

huge sigh

2006-08-19T05:19:00.000+08:00

It won't do to dream of caramel, to think of cinnamon and long for you.

It won't do to stir a deep desire, to fan a hidden fire that can never burn true.

So goodbye, sweet appetite, no single bite could satisfy...

fallen.

2006-08-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

i just realise why i havent cried yet.

its because i didnt let myself.
everytime the tears form, i try to stop it.

i need time away.
from everysingle thing and people that matters.
im sorry to any of you who has been trying to contact me but cant. i really this time to myself.

Her feeling she hides
Her dream she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place

kissing a fool.

2006-08-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

"...You are far
im never gonna be your star
i'll pick up the pieces
to mend my heart
strange that i was wrong enough
to think you'd love me too
you must have been kissing a fool..."

haikel showed me a message he sent to marrilyn which he quoted from kissing a fool by michael buble. and somehow, i like that verse. on another note, i like buble. he's cute. and he has a voice to die for. if i dont get josh groban at my wedding, i'll probably will want buble to come (so i heard... buble and groban is my clse friends. hurhur.) and sing.

he likes buble. && he likes jazz. how nice.

i think i have insomnia. i cant sleep. i havent been able to.
im scared of closing my eyes.

you & me.

2006-08-16T02:15:00.000+08:00

11-11-2004 // 13-08-2006

what was once US.
im sorry.
remember what i told you?
you will always have that special unobstructed corner in my heart. a place no one can replace.

i really do love you okie.
this isnt exactly the end.

i just need time away.
thats all.

One Last.

2006-08-15T22:32:00.000+08:00

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
Its better if we just let it go

Everytime I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go

Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear

slow and painful death.

2006-08-15T01:50:00.000+08:00

i have yet to cry.

but my heart aches so so much.
and it just doesnt help that the athsma is getting worse. getting awaken in the middle of the night by constant attack is no joke okie. and every morning, i wake up with a sharp pain in my heart and helplessly trying my best to breathe. and then falling asleep again with the inhaler still in my hand.

maybe thats how i'll be discovered dead. curled up with my garfield and bolster, hand clutching the inhaler, over my very much broken heart.

how will i know.

2006-08-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

we drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
we're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
and if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go...
i'll never let go.
as we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawl of you
for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.

and i don't want to speak these words.
cause i don't want to make things any worse.

why does tonite, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.

what i felt when i was in the cab back on that 10th august 2006.
-shrugs-

5 ladies.

2006-08-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

i hate trust issues.

bleargh.

anyway....

yesterday was nice. seriously. even though it started out with each of us having somethiing to be sad about, surpringly, suddenly most of us found something to be happy about..

one was happy because someone replied her sms. one was happy because the previous one talked to her mum. one was happy just to be going and about getting sloshed. one was happy because someone didnt cancel on her afterall. and the last one. well... i guess. she was just sad. but i guess, drinking made her forget the problems at hand for the moment.

three of us, including me chose not to drink... so 2 of us had redbull, and one ahd milo (MUAHAHAH!!)... and the other 2 had two e33 each. and got sloshed. hurhur.

i really enjoyed myself last night besides the moment when i was so angry i did something unimaginable to my gfs. howell. i love dancing alone. i feel so carefree. i feel like my mind is free of everything. and whats left is me, the music and the dance floor. maybe my taste for the music im dancing to have changed to a slightly different genre, it doesnt really matter you know. cause as long as im in that moment, i'll just move. (:

im gonna turn in now. my head and my heart aches. too bad.

goodbye to you.

2006-08-13T15:36:00.000+08:00

"we both know that i shouldnt be here
this is wrong
and baby its killing me
its killing you
but both of us trying to be strong
ive got somewhere else to be
promises to keep
someone else who loves me
and trusted me fast asleep
ive made up my mind
there is no turning back
she's been good to me
and she deserves better than that

its the hardest thing
i'll ever have to do
to look you in the eye
and tell you i dont love you
its the hardest thing
i'll ever have to lie
to show no emotion
when you start to cry
i cant let you see
what you mean to me
when my hands are tied
and my hearts not free
we're not meant to be
its the hardest thing
i'll ever have to do
to turn around and walk away
pretending i don't love you

i know we'll meet again
fate has a place and time
so you can get on with your life
ive got to be cruel to be kind
like Doctor Zhivago
all my love i'll be sending
and you'll never know
cause there can be no happy ending

maybe another time, another day
as much as i want to i cant stay
ive made up my mind
theres no turning back
shes been good to be
and she deserves better than that."

im sorry i have to agree to what you sms me. because i know, somehow, you got into my livejournal. friendster & email, dont say la... you know my password. but livejournal. hmmm. thanks eh. i hope, what we have come to an agreement about is the best thing for the both of us. and somehow, i think this way, both of us will still be happy, yet, we have no strings attached. i cant deny that it did break my heart, but... we'll just see whats in store for us for the future.

im sorry for hurting you bad.
im sorry for makingyou cry.

fly.

2006-08-12T01:27:00.000+08:00

I will fly into your arms
And be with you to the end of time
Why are you so far away
You know it's very hard for me to get my self close to you

i had my date on the 10th...

*blushes*

but details will be kept to myself and whoever have access to my lj, because i dont wish to hurt more people than there already is.

i think its one of the good memories that will keep me going cause somehow i have the feeling, he's gonna disappear again. soon. s0 yarh... -shrugs-

to you.
thanks for the night. (:

it cant be right

2006-08-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

i know i shouldnt but i got to see you tonight
i pick you up around nine
but i swear that this cant happen no more
Cause when im looking in my baby's eyes
i cant bare to tell her more lies
i gotta be stronger now than i was before
but when you hold me girl its so real
im feeling things for you i cant feel
i know i shouldnt stay but girl i just cant leave.

this cant be right that it doesnt feel so wrong
but when im all alone,
im thinking of you but im with her
this cant be right that its you thats on my mind
but she's still in my life
but your the one that's stands by my side

i wanna let go but there's something that makes me hold on
but baby this just cant go on,
and were better off when nobody knows
i never thought we would have lasted so long
so perfect but girl its so wrong
cos i got somebody waitin at home
but when u hold me girl its so real
im feelin things for you i cant feel
i know i shouldnt stay but girl i just cant leave

girl you know i cant, there's too much to lose,
its you that i want but, put yourself in her shoes,
it hurts to think if she only knew,
what would be on her mind, what she would be going through.

Virgo dated 060806

2006-08-06T16:46:00.000+08:00

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

The Bottom Line
Something is brewing and it's shaping up to be a special influence in your life.

In Detail
Something is brewing, and it's shaping up to be a special (and very positive) influence in your life. This could be an unexpected phenomenon, but more likely this is something you have been wishing for and working on for quite a while. Keep your lines of communication open all day long -- make sure your phone is turned on and charged up, because one call could bring everything together in an instant. Things are getting started whether you are ready for them or not, but you should be excited.

thanks.

2006-08-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

enough izyan. no more crying. its what you want and he's giving it to you.

so its official. a one month time out. due date? my birthday. i just really really need this to go and search for what i truly want. and to clear my head of all the doubts that has been dictating my mind.

&&.
after this episode ends, we'll start over anew, at the same place where we first met, outside paragon.

thank you for understanding that i really need this.

mouth shut.

2006-08-05T01:05:00.000+08:00

to my dearest faizal...

I kept my mouth shut for too long
All this time you got me wrong
And now Im in this way too far
I'm about to break your heart
Tear everything we had apart

Coz Im feeling lost
When I'm in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was holding onto you
I tried so hard
To be the one
I dont like who ive become

i know it has been a heartwrenching conversation. im so sorry for this. you just dont know how messed up i am inside. just give me till my birthday okie. the minute i step into singapore on that day, that will be my dateline.

if i only could decide
But i cant make up my mind
im breaking all my rules
because of you
you can tell me its not right
and it tears me up inside
but the problem is
im so in love with two

im sorry faizal.

virgo date 020806

2006-08-03T00:14:00.000+08:00

freak. how much more accurate can it get sia. seriously. garrhh.

hmmm... you?

2006-08-01T00:22:00.000+08:00

if you knew today is your last day on this earth, how would you want to spend it?

Virgo dated today.

2006-07-30T22:18:00.000+08:00

Its okay to need someone.

some pics.

2006-07-30T17:25:00.000+08:00

the black and white summer staff party.

my outlet babes.

my other fishy lovelies. all of them from the same outlet, except me. (:

last night.

after moments of emotional stress. and relieving everything bu singing out loud in the middle of boat quay. if you heard us, you'll prolly wish you're deaf. hurhur.

and just a random pic faizal took of me. hurhur. my alter ego's the one on the shirt. :P

torn.

2006-07-30T01:39:00.000+08:00

i just realised that i have too many pics to load. and all because i was procastinating... but i dont care. who wants to look at it anyway right.

my head and heart is in the washing machine now. twirling around. out of control. i just wish i can call someone to talk about it. but i have no one to call. the girls know enough. and they have their own problems. and i cant call some other ppl because, it affects them too. and obviously i cant write it here because, obviously, it involves some people reading my blog. ):

i want to talk to someone who wont judge me for what i have to say. i need someone who is open minded and yet matured enough to understand what im saying. i need someone who will listen and gives feedbacks. and probably someone who can tell me to be strong and just forget it.

but i think if i find that someone, i will probably say to him/her that im not strong enough. i cant do it. ):

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldnt be that man that I adored
You dont seem to know, or seem to care what your heart is for
I dont know him anymore

Theres nothin where he used to lie
Our conversation has run dry
Thats whats goin on
Nothings fine
I'm torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late
Im already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins and now I dont care, I have no luck
I dont miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I cant touch
Im torn.

short.

2006-07-27T15:49:00.000+08:00

so many things have happened since ii last updated. that was last thursday i guess... hmm... im tired. i'll probably write a proper entry this weekend, or when i come back from work tonight. depending on my mood. and depending on whether im on the phone or not.

i found two friendster profile that made me smile. hahahahah.

k.

im gonna go get ready for work now. (:

stuffs laa.

2006-07-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

the sg idol next week spectacular's trailer on classics, withthem all in dresses and tux.

there was this one part hady was on. and the first time i saw it, my voice got caught in my throat. he loks like fauzee. like the pic i have with him in my hp. really.

maybe my weird hallucination. but it really reminds me of him. on wed night, i smsed him and said that i cannot see his brother without thinking of him. and he never reply. i hope he's okie.

faisal, my colleague, and me made a bet. a huge bet. winner pays for a trip to bangkok. and the bet? for him to look the way he look when he was 18, just like in his passport photo... hahaha... wednesday night, when i was on the way to raffles place, and he was on the way to bugis, he showed me his passport and i was speechless... then i told him... if he look the way he was back then, now, i think we will never be short of girl staff. ahaks. he was cute laa back then. dunno what happen now. :P

and n9 have a very limited playlist. i miss my girls so much that at one point, i go to one corner, dance alone, and actually close my eyes just to imagine they were there dancing with me. hurhur. touching abes eh.

faizal darling. death happens. its sad la. but be happy for him ya. he's back where he belongs. -hugs you-

and since you wanna know my bday wishlist, here goes.

ipod.

papillio.

seinheisser headphone.

sneakers.

heels.

wedges.

bvlgari baby perfume.

hugo pure purple perfume.

jlo glow perfume.

the levi's skirt.

the levi's dress.

the levi's ladies blazer.

tiffany & co's thin whitegold/silver chain.

a new thin bracelet to replace the one that snapped.

hahaha. i know. it'll prolly take forever and ten days to get all those. nyeh. but its just a WISHlist remember? :P

VIRGO -bottom line

2006-07-20T16:42:00.000+08:00

i hate it when friendster is right.

Friendster Horoscope for July 20, 2006
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

The Bottom Line
Your personal problems will take a backseat now -- you'll welcome the distraction.

In Detail
Any internal turmoil you're experiencing today will be muted by the dramas going on with some of your friends. Their conflicts and announcements will be a welcome distraction from the stuff you're struggling with. It seems that by comparison, your problems aren't so bad after all. Avoid getting too involved in their lives -- just observe and listen from a distance. Apply their experiences to your life, and adjust your attitude accordingly.

pudar.

2006-07-19T03:10:00.000+08:00

im not so sure why but this song always make me think of that moment.

as ive said before (i think!), pudar by rossa always calm me down. there was this one time, we were outside devils, sis was in her own world, shikin was gushing about some ppl, and tatia was scringing because her feet's in pain due to the shoes, and i was nervous as hell. i took a long sip from the super big gulp that we have bought, i then stood up and started walking around. and i started singing...

"ku rasakan pudar dalam hatiku..."

and on and on and on until the song ends. and somehow, i feel way way better after that. (:

-much love to you my lovelies-

a longing.

2006-07-18T01:05:00.000+08:00

dee, izie, aida.

(click the pic to look at the entry im talking about.)

the three that ive missed oh so much.

and the thing that i felt was missing from my life the moment i started fyp.
im not so sure what happened to us all. its a sucky feeling to be looking back at all those photos of us. once upon a time, we were the inseparable three. and IT had to happen. whats IT? im not so sure.

looking at all those pics also brings a longing deep in me. a longing to dance. and a longing for things to be back where they were. and a longing, for time to stay still. cause i know at that moment of time, im one of the happiest girl around.

wreckage.

2006-07-18T00:31:00.000+08:00

my lovelies.

despite all the smiles and laughters and fun times we had, i know deep deep down, all of us are a wreck. and all because of matters of the heart.

i want you babes to know that, you're never alone. you know that any of us will know what you're feeling cause either we've been through it, or we are feeling the same way you do. and all of us are in this state of mess because of something that brought us all together. all those nights we spent out there.

we're strong. we're in this together. when you think you're falling, let go. you're not alone.

suddenly i miss you girls.

saturday night girls = LOVE.

2006-07-17T01:09:00.000+08:00

saturday nights is the night that i'll be looking forward to every week from now on. its no more family night. its the girls-night-out night. (:

and even though we're always at the same place we were the previous previous times, we always find new and better things to do.

and boy. did we have fun. ahahaha.

"...cause when you kiss me
i feel everything that ive been missing.
i try to slow down but my heart wont listen,
and its tearin me all up inside.
and when you touch me,
i feel a rush but im afraid that it might crush me?
should i put my trust in somethin i dont trust in
i try to run but theres no place to hide,
cause baby, kisses dont lie..."

and i guess... we have a very huge similarities in a way. we're really bad at dealing with affairs of the heart. but i love you girls still. and just like how you girls will protect me from whatever happens, thats what i know i will do too.

till next saturday babes.

my epitome of perfection.

2006-07-16T02:14:00.000+08:00

it was supposed to be a happy moment. im supposed to be the one who make you smile. but i did just the opposite. im sorry i snapped at you. i know even timtams and green tea wont change that fact, and i wish i know how to make things right.

you know i love you. i hate seeing the fact that ure so stressed up over everything and feel so fucked up about everything else. and the fact that i cant do anything to make you feel better just kills me. and to think, i made it worse.

at times, i feel as though we've drifted. we're not who we used to be anymore. it even made me think why i am still holding on. everynight, i think about the person that i am, and somehow, i hate the person ive become. you are too good to be true. even to me.

WE are the epitome of perfection. on the facade. but i guess, that this facade is just that. a facade. you and me. in our own little utopia, we're both a mess.

you know i wanna build my world of fairytale with you. no one else but you. you, to me, is the one last jigsaw piece that complete my life. if only you could see yourself through my eyes. im sorry. i love you.

2006-07-14T23:57:00.000+08:00

i was talking to kakak about our late grandma.

i was telling her that i thought of my late grandma in the evening... before i took a nap. and thinking of her made me cry cause i missed her alot.

and kakak told me she dreamt of grandma. again. second time this week. and grandma was talking to her and everything.

and then it daunt on me that ive never dreamt of her. i was the only one who never got to see her the day before she passed away. and she have never appeared in my dream.

i suddenly feel like crying again.

kanina.

2006-07-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

its official.

this is one one of the swayest week ever.

too many ppl cancelled on me.

too many things happening that im not really sure whats happening. azhari said i am just confused. i think thats what i am too.

and and.

while keying in some order at work just now, i didnt see nian jie behind me and bumped into him, accidentally stepping on his feet. and then he moved, and i twisted my ankle.

about an hour later, i was trying to pump that stupid tobasco bubble thinghy, and i was squatting down. when i tried to stand up, i felt my knee kinda locked or something, and i felt my joints kinda moved. like as though it got dislocated or somethng. and i was jumping on one feet in pain.

damn it.
and tonight was cancelled. to think i was so looking forward to it.

now. at this hour, im craving for mcspicy. i think i may just go and order.

down low.

2006-07-13T01:06:00.000+08:00

You dont know me
But Im sitting next to you
Every morning
On the bus or on the tube

You look tired
Would it help to hear me say
Dont you worry
Friday's not that far away?

On the weekends
We try to get our share
Of excitement and of fresh air
Trying to forget
Who we're gonna be
When the alarm rings
On monday morning

If in the evening
All you do is watch TV
Cause your too tired for anything else
You're just like me

Just remember
As you struggle through the day
Relief awaits you
Friday's not that far away

just exactly how i feel. i think ive got the bad-days streak. i had quite a bad start to the week. and it seems that as the hours past, im getting more sad. had my early dinner during my break just now with rosy, ina and sarina. rosy, my manager, cooked today. she really can cook man. haha. digressed abit. anyway, rosy was asking why i looked so down. i didnt even realise that. i thought i was perfectly normal but she said i looked really down. hmmm.

even the song pudar is not working its magic. why eh? why am i so down?

maybe it has alot to do with the smses. ):

monday blues.

2006-07-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

so true.

i dont feel like myself today.
i stoned most of today.
i cant think straigh.
and my chest hurts.

and most of all.
what a day to forget to charge my hp.
god knows how long ive waited for the outing with afandi.
its not everyday eh he's free.

garh.

control myself.

2006-07-10T10:50:00.000+08:00

YES AH. ITALY WON.

im happy.
(:

hmmm. when i was about to take a nap b4 the match start, an sms came in. i felt that rush of excitement when i realise who it was. after that, the excitement died down and i got irritated. im not one who easily gets mad. and neither am i someone who is difficult to please. but i just realised that even though i dont get mad at people for nothing, i get annoyed quite easily. especially when im pmsing. im petty in that sense.

i always think if someone wanna play games with me, two can play it. i can be quite vicious if i want to. you got me when im pmsing. wrong timing buddy. so... watch out eh. (:

tralalalala.

i'll buy you a tub of b&js if you can get my phone to ring that certain ringtone. (:

my paradise.

2006-07-09T21:11:00.000+08:00

In our own little world
The music is the sun
The dance floor becomes the sea.

bdayboy.

2006-07-08T15:07:00.000+08:00

met the sergeant this morning when he booked out. was supposed to have breakfast but the moment i saw him, i asked him whether he really need breakfast.

then i dragged him to city hall to search for his bday present. halfway through searching, we had a quick diversion at gelare's cos yours truly wanted waffles. (:

after walking around marina and going into practically every other shops, back to citylink we went. (:

hope you like the shirt eh. cos i really liked it. hahahahaaa.

no more spending moeny unless necessary. i so need to save up. but ben & jerrys doesnt count! cause its damn necessary lor. hahaha. cookie dough. cookie dough. here i come!!

2006-07-07T22:39:00.000+08:00

tonight feels like one of the night that i should have a tub of ben & jerrys cookie dough with me, under my comfoter, with the ligths dimmed and friends playing on tv.

i wish someone will just appear at my doorstep with that tub of ben & jerrys laa!

2006-07-07T21:33:00.000+08:00

hips dont lie / bambo (world cup remix)
take the lead
never wanna make you cry
dont cha

the list of songs that causes my stomach and heart to roll. and yet make me smile.

wednesday. the evening started out so badly for me with migraine hitting the back of my head like nobody's business. and faizal telling me not to go when i told him i dont feel too well. he said he had a bad feeling. i normally trust his bad feelings instinct but on wednesday, i choose to ignore his sms and continue on with the plans.

and all because of the second part. devils. i know that was the moment shikin and me had been waiting for, for two whole weeks. too bad ah. after wednesday, no more till god knows when la.

adrenaline rush. major euphoria. seriously. its like taking roller coaster. or. its like you are watching the world cup with your favourite team playing, and there was a penalty shootout. and that feeling in your gut was what i felt.

i will do anything to have a replay of that night. -sigh-

(happy belated 22nd remie.{as of today laaa.})

hmmm. and the day after, went to watch CARS!!! its so cute la. and funny. i like. and i guess theres gonna be alot of cartoons coming out soon. like YAY.

and anyways.

to one of the cute soldiers(i know theres alot of cute one. so you're only one of them okie.) i know out there, happy 22nd. (: may your bday wishes come true. especially your wishlist. :P

tried and fallen.

2006-07-03T01:05:00.000+08:00

heaven bend to take my hand
and lead me through the fire
be the long awaited answer
to a long and painful fight
truth be told ive tried my best
but somewhere along the way
i got caught up in all there was to offer
and the cost was so much more than i could bear

though ive tried, ive fallen
i have sunk so low
i have messed up
better i should know
so don't come round here
and tell me i told you so.

in a damn sucky mood now. bye.

as you wish.

2006-07-03T00:37:00.000+08:00

you know, people come, people go.

and sometimes, the people you really really want to stay in your life will just, up and go one day without saying goodbye. and then, there's the people you wish will leave you alone, but never will.

it feels damn sucky when one person leave, and suddenly everyone else disappears.
and its even suckier when one reappear without warning, and just knock you down again.

i dont think anyone will get what im rambling about here. i have thoughts in my head i wish i can let out, but i dont have the right form of source to let it all out to. its sad la.

to --
it took me a long time to get used to the fact that even friendship was out of the question. cause when i say friends, it means keeping in contact. and when you stop, it hit me quite bad. everytime i think about you, i try to find a reason to keep you out of my head. and when its about to be done, you reappeared. i mean, i do appreciate you contacting me back. but, i didnt expect that last sms. its a damn sucky feeling la to have the memories wash down over me again. ): and for you to call me at random moments to tell me random stuff that make you laugh and smile, you know i will laugh and smile with you. but i will begin to wonder... i should just stop thinking too much la kan. nothing good will come out of it. as always. and i know, soon enough, you will disappear again. -shrugs-

i think somehow, tatia will know what im talking about.

very random ppl.

2006-07-02T03:16:00.000+08:00

afandi called just now. and it was funny. cause normally when he call me, he will keep quiet. but today, i think he ate something and he was so damn bloody hyper la.

a few months back, he and me actually planned to talk to tya and ariff about them la. then then afandi' forever busy. and when he called just now, he was like, "eh. ask her and ariff to call me ah... we conference". i swear he's just crazy la. he talk and talk and at times, the language he used is really very "guy-talk-to-guy" kind of language la. hahaa. i told him, "ape butoh butoh? next time i see you, i slap your mouth ah.."

hurhur. and when portugal and england had penalty shootout, tya, him and me were like on the phone yet watching it with full concentration.

memory of 11032006 suddenly just came back cos afandi was giving an example about something. and tya was saying something about 3 months too late. hurhur.

thanks eh korang.

anyway, went to wacth mega perdana just now. oklaa. i was being damn critical i guess. i spot every mistakes the awok2 made, which awok2 very stiff, which smilled the most, which have the highest tanjak (haha!).

working tomo.
tired now. bye.

singing a song about you.

2006-07-01T15:43:00.000+08:00

last night, after writing the last entry, i realised something. i am the kind of person who relates everything about life to songs. it doesnt matter who you are in my life, but from whatever time ive spent with you, or come into contact with you, im sure to have a song that i know of to relate you to. weird eh.

be it im sad, mad, happy, in love, in like, in hate, i have a song for the moment. how much more weird can i be eh. hmmm... *ponders*

anywae. just some picture from work on thursday. since we were so so so free laa. nothing better to do.

im really enjoying myself back at that place. maybe becos ive rot too long at home la. (:

weirdos.

2006-07-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

i was watching gayle singing this song last wed. it was once upon a time my favourite song. maybe just because i didnt really get the meaning. not until when i got to know fauzee la. i think sumhow, this song is so apt for him okie. especially the bold part.

he drowns in his dreams
an exquisite extreme, i know
he's as damned as he seems
and more heaven than a heart could hold
and if i try to save him
my whole world would cave in
it just ain't right.
he's magic and myth
he's strong as what i believe
a tragedy with
more damage than a soul should see
but do i try to change him
so hard not to blame him
hold me tight,
he's soft to the touch
but frayed at the end, he breaks
he's never enough
and still he's more than i can take.

really really very him. i know i told hafiz that im quite lazy to actually entertain fauzee, but after talking to him that one time, i felt differently. like, im quite concerned about him and his life. but you cant force ppl to open up can you? at least i tried. his way of life is just too diferent la. very difficult k.

oh! oh! i found a male carbon copy of me. not physically ah. but more like personality wise and everything else. he say it feels like talking to himself and i say the same thing. weird you know. clumsy. crazy. nonsensical. i dunnoe la. it really is weird. hurhur.

anyway. i met up with sgt faizal awhile ago. he was in a sucky mood. maybe because of the bus operators and recruits problems. but we had a nice time. we are so used to each other that we dont need reaasons when we say certain things because we understand it so well. (: and someone's turning 22 next week!! traalallalala~

k.

woohoo for argentina! and faizal... go disappear again. who knows. germany will score this time... :P

the wedding.

2006-06-26T01:04:00.000+08:00

girls rule man. she told us she wants to take pic with us without her husband. then she shoo him away. (:

sweetest thing ever.

things girls do when they're bored.

had a nice time catching up.

7 randoms.

2006-06-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

7 Random Facts about Me

all the soft toys onmy bed have at least an orange accent to it.
im super lazy.
im a crybaby.
i love doing random stuff on photoshop.
i can multitask extremely well.
i love photography.
the furthest ive ever travelled is bangkok.

7 Things That Scare Me

God.
Death.
getting caught.
GHOST.
losing aloved one.
heartbreak.

7 Random Music At The Moment

no no - raghav
hips dont lie/bamboo (wold cup remix) - shakira ft wyclef jean
if i cant - rupee
mouth shut - veronicas
pudar - rossa
kisses dont lie - rihanna
love generation - bob sinclair

7 Things I Like The Most

my ladies' night
my hp
my ibook
my room
my garfield
my soldier
peter pan

7 Things I Say The Most

wahlao eh.
giler.
sial ah!!
fuck!
seriously?
huh?
hurhur.

go sweden!

2006-06-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

i want sweden to wiiinnnn!!!

but they're down by one man cos lucic got a red. gaarrhhh. come on sweden. buck up maan!!

theres still 23mins on the clock!!

of 2 6ams, ftt and 5-1130shifts.

2006-06-24T01:36:00.000+08:00

"walaupun matahari terbit dari barat,
tak akan goyang cintaku kepadamu...
apapun yang terjadi, ku tak peduli,
rela ku mati, demi dirimu of kasih..."

boy was i amused. it was fun though. even though two of them had like red eyes in the middle of the night. and i wonder where i got all my inner strength from, i mean, im a girl, i feel like a huge tong k.

the night before, shikin and me had a moment of fame dancing in the boxing ring lookalike. the feeling of getting all that attention was overwhelming and yet, it was like sugar rush. best!! shkin and me shared a few secrets of the moment. next time kan... we should make a pact. whoever never do what we say we wanna do, kena forfeit. bayar duit taxi. hahaha.

:P

work today was great. even though its all the kookoonaanaas (what engel calls them)...hahaha... i miss working with the old batch. after 2 mths of not working, im back, and it felt quite good. even though i was being the usual klutz like dropping the wooden block on the deck countless of time and scaring all the other guest, evrything there made me happy. maybe becos i havent been doing much since i "resigned" ah. maybe thats why im like happy like that. (:

PS. k. after two nights of 6ams, and sitting for the ftt test on the third day (my frist time. i fail.), and working 5-1130 shift, im damn shagged and i wanna sleep!! (: good nigth world.

PPS. happy 24th herman, my superman. hurhur. kbye.

shelter.

2006-06-21T14:05:00.000+08:00

im lost and confused.

raiders of the lost ark.

2006-06-21T13:25:00.000+08:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

2006-06-21T12:50:00.000+08:00

if you're not moving forward, it means you're staying still. and staying still is good. watch this. *make a face and stayed still*
-phoebe buffay

extraordinarily intelligent people

2006-06-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

in front of the ball ball thing that has gotten me soo fascinated. hurhur.

lela told me that this man told her he was lonely. i guess he got bored talking to the chinese uncle and malay pakcik. so we decided to give him some loving. haha...

and i guess, he cant resist my cheeks!! :P

tadaaa!!

aaaammmmmmmmm~

oh hello!! this is where the security guard told us ghost stories. hurhur.

cant help it la. i told her i feel like lying down on that carpet. it looks damn comfy to sleep on k.

and we also decided to take pics at nonsensical places like in front of the aircon duct because we're cool ppl. :P

trying to search for the damn mp3 player. i was about to die actually. hahaha. and i realise "Pudar" by rossa really actually calm me down sia. amazing.

and this. this is the guy lela helped me picked up at somerset starbucks some 2 weeks agoo. he refused to show his face. and his friend casually ask to look at my phone at deleted his pic too. how nice. hahaha. they're stalkers actually. really. (:

tralalala.

2006-06-20T18:04:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a good day. i love lela. she always seem to make an outing extraordinarily fun. we went to a gallery!! so fun k. i really wish i get a full time job soon. i am sooo gonna invest in a slr camera. ((: everything went well apart from lela making me hyperventilate like crazy. and i guess, she really wish we were walking so she can see me hyperventilate and faint. hahaha.

it was quite an akward moment when everyone kept quiet. but its just weird how we always have nothing to talk about when we met, but when he call me, we can talk like crazy. with some akward pauses ah. hurhur.

anywae. i was still feeling major pains last night, and i tried to go to bed early. i did. for an hour before i started tossing and turning. then i on the pc. then herman called. *stalker* muahahahahaa...

bf is going back tekong!! woohoo!! closer to home. hahaha.

ladies night tomo.
peter pan's night on thurs.
:P

random thoughts.

2006-06-18T21:30:00.000+08:00

1) What is the phone brand?
Nokia N70

2) What are the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
517

3) What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
"a girl can wait for the right man, but in the meantime, that doesnt mean she cant have a wonderful time with the wrong one. -Cher" sent by lela on 9th june.

4) Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
mahtani.

5) Who's the last person you rang?
tatia.

6) Who was your last missed call from?
Danny. that spinner guy.

7) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
deana - faizal's friend.

8) What does the last message in your inbox say?
evenings get sweeter when you think of people who makes your heart smile - sent by isyah on 16th june.

9)Who comes up under J?
jacq, jason, jiayin, jihad, juita. (:

10) Go to your Sent Items - what does the 10th message say?
sent to someone - u cut your hair? how short? im on my way to meet my cousin.

11) Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
Seng Yong

12) How many messages are currently in your inbox?
3.

13) What do you have as your background?
blue bg with white flowers.

14) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under R?
Rayner.

15) Who do you have on speed dial 3?
i dont use speed dial.

16) Who's the first person who comes up under C?
caca.

17) How many bars of signal do you currently have?
7, the max.

18) What do you have as your main ringtone?
if i cant - rupee. ;)

heart burn pain.

2006-06-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

last wednesday, i think i drank too mch coke for my own good. on quite empty stomach k. and now im having major internal pains. it is quite unbearable at time and i dont really know how to resolve it.

faizal say its heartburn. mama & ayah say its most likely the cause of coke.

hmmm. i used to hate drinking coke/pepsi last time. god knows why im drinking too much of it now. bleargh.

hafiz darling, if you read this right, please at least remind me to eat or sumthing before we go on thursday. i dun want to collapse in the middle of the night eh. ok?

i wish i can just poke my chest with something sharp and let all the air out, and if its not air, at least i can see whats wrong inside my body eh. gaarrhh.

mine.

2006-06-16T15:50:00.000+08:00

dark clear night, with stars twinkling so bright. a full moon shining down on each and every faces there is. big round tables covered with black cloth, layered up with a bright red cloth. with a clear crystal vase in the middle with a stalk of daisy, different colour for different tables.

the grass so green, the flowers so bright. live jazz can be heard from far. every single faces smiling, having a good time. and then, the way you look tonight was heard. and he came over, took her hand and lead her to the centre of the whole garden. and he brought her closer, and slowly, they swayed to the music. and secretly, he whispered in her ears that he love her.

with the dark night so clear, and the stars twinking so bright. and the moon shinning down on them.

when i get engaged to a guy, im gonna sign us up for ballroom dancing. and on my wedding night, my husband will lead me to the middle of the garden and dance with me.

just because.

2006-06-16T00:53:00.000+08:00

yesterday night was fun la. seriously. my feet have never hurt so much okie. (:

if any mats are affected by what im gonna say after this, sorry hor. its just a random observation i made from all those time im out there. why does mats like to stand in a straight line, facing the same direction, when they are dancing eh?? and they always have this same exact dance step. and they all look oh so similar to each other sia. its quite a funny sight ah. isyah and me tried to immitate them. we stand in a straight line and moved exactly the way they did. somehow, it doesnt look too appealing. hurhur.

anywae, there was this guy yesterday that suddenly, like out of the blue kind of suddenly, appeared behind me. he made small talk then ask me about my bf. and then i said my bf is in camp, and he said, "in camp? boleh cam gitu eh... you fought with him ah?"

huhur. giler. my bf is the bestest one on earth k. doesnt mean i go out with my girls means i had a fight with him kan. hurhur. funny.

i hope there's a repetition of yesterday. it was fun. really.

and the second place we go is so not bad. i like the ambience there. haha. actually right, i just love it because the aircon was blasting in my face. hurhur. and haha. they actually were promoting hady mirza ok. it was announced to vote for him because he's a part of them. then then isyah and me exclaimed that we havent vote!! haha.

and oh yah. coffee bean and fish ball noodle moments were nice. when girls sit down, they can talk about lots and lots of stuff. and yeah. my sis reaction to what shikin said about a certain hot male cousin and a certain b***hy schoolmate was pure classic sia. they were on at it from level 4 all the way to traffic light. funny sight k.

aite. im gonna go get more sleep now. my chest still hurts. bleargh.